Someone needs something. Help them. Doesn't matter if it causes you inconvenience or problems down the road. Help them. Your supposed to be unselfish. A man is supposed to sacrifice for the ones that he loves. Even if it means that his needs go unmet. But, if you are a 
Co-dependent like me then you don't have a clue what or when to be unselfish or to sacrifice. You give everything, sacrifice anything and for awhile it actually makes you feel better, like you are this incredibly unselfish person, a martyr, a saint. You're not. It's only a survival technique gone horribly wrong. Because suddenly you're alone anyhow, without any concept of your own feelings and needs, and the people you help don't REALLY appreciate the sacrifice you've made for them...do they? So you begin to feel unappreciated, used....but you can't quit the behavior. You're addicted to helping, rescuing, caretaking but it's not making you feel the same anymore. You get angry now, and maybe at first it's just a simmering anger but something will snap and you'll lash out, more than likely at a loved one. And if you're dealing with an addict, they will take it briefly because they do have guilt, but it lasts only a short time and they strike back. And you allow yourself to feel guilty for being angry, for doing too much and strangely, for not doing enough. You wallow in the self pity, at least until another opportunity to "help" presents itself. Then the cycle starts again. You are not really HELPING anyone, yourself the least. You are hurting everyone including yourself. They are not responsible for their own problems, you are. So they don't have to suffer the consequences of thier behaviors.....you do. And in the process you have completely buried your own needs....you own life. Now comes the hard part. You recognize your behavior and keep doing it anyway. How to stop? How to recognize what truly needs to be sacrificed for, how to put your needs, desires, wants....first. Or even, how to recognize what your needs, desires and wants really are.
Co-dependent like me then you don't have a clue what or when to be unselfish or to sacrifice. You give everything, sacrifice anything and for awhile it actually makes you feel better, like you are this incredibly unselfish person, a martyr, a saint. You're not. It's only a survival technique gone horribly wrong. Because suddenly you're alone anyhow, without any concept of your own feelings and needs, and the people you help don't REALLY appreciate the sacrifice you've made for them...do they? So you begin to feel unappreciated, used....but you can't quit the behavior. You're addicted to helping, rescuing, caretaking but it's not making you feel the same anymore. You get angry now, and maybe at first it's just a simmering anger but something will snap and you'll lash out, more than likely at a loved one. And if you're dealing with an addict, they will take it briefly because they do have guilt, but it lasts only a short time and they strike back. And you allow yourself to feel guilty for being angry, for doing too much and strangely, for not doing enough. You wallow in the self pity, at least until another opportunity to "help" presents itself. Then the cycle starts again. You are not really HELPING anyone, yourself the least. You are hurting everyone including yourself. They are not responsible for their own problems, you are. So they don't have to suffer the consequences of thier behaviors.....you do. And in the process you have completely buried your own needs....you own life. Now comes the hard part. You recognize your behavior and keep doing it anyway. How to stop? How to recognize what truly needs to be sacrificed for, how to put your needs, desires, wants....first. Or even, how to recognize what your needs, desires and wants really are.
No comments:
Post a Comment