My Life is a Bubble....so blow me

Are you inside looking out......or outside looking in?

For a very long time I've felt as if my life was passing without me. I was there for the chaos, the panicked loneliness, the all consuming anger, the sheer disbelief at what it all had become. I was there in the moments...... "take it one day at a time" .....awake for the nightmares. I felt the desperation, the fear and humiliation, the unencumbered weight of thousands of pounds of responsibility.....I felt all this but only briefly; and then I hid from the feelings. To survive, I told myself. No one could bear the burdens I had. This was my rationalization for burying my life, my person, my soul. And after much practice, I would not feel the pain....at least not for very long. I was totally oblivious to the truth......I did not feel the pain but neither did I feel joy, fulfillment, wonder, love. I was not looking in, nor looking out of the bubble. I was the bubble....carrying life around wherever the wind of circumstance carried me. It's difficult to understand it all now. How could I let myself become nothing, a weightless, transparent, directionless bubble of a person. The answer, of course, is "get over yourself you freaking headcase and get on with your life." And so, I am. Life is so interesting in it's simplicity......